A Personal Reflection: Losing a Friend to Suicide and What We Can Do to Help

A Blog Post for September - Suicide Awareness Month

September marks Suicide Prevention Awareness Month, a time to shed light on a painful and often hidden crisis—one that I’ve experienced firsthand. My very first friend, the one I met in kindergarten, took his own life when we were still in high school. It was devastating. I remember feeling overwhelmed with guilt, wondering if there was something I could have done. Could I have reached out more? Could I have seen the signs? These are questions that have haunted me for years.

Since then, I’ve watched as several of my own family members and friends have contemplated suicide. Each time, I felt the familiar sting of helplessness. It made me realize that mental health struggles are all around us, often invisible, but incredibly real. We must talk about it, face it, and do everything we can to support the teens and young people in our lives.

Breaking the Silence Around Teen Suicide

Teen suicide is a heartbreaking issue, one that is far more common than many of us realize. Suicide is the second leading cause of death among teens and young adults, and yet, conversations about it can feel taboo. This stigma around mental health often makes it harder for those struggling to reach out for help. As someone who has lived through the pain of losing a loved one to suicide, I can’t stress enough how important it is to break this silence.

The Guilt We Carry

When someone close to us takes their own life, it's common to feel a heavy sense of guilt. I’ve lived with that guilt since high school, believing that maybe I could have done more to save my friend. But here’s what I’ve learned through years of reflection and talking with others who’ve been in similar situations: suicide is complex. It’s rarely the result of one factor or one missed opportunity. Mental health issues are often deeply rooted, and while support is crucial, we also need to be kind to ourselves. We can’t carry the weight of thinking we could have "fixed" someone’s pain on our own.

What we can do is be proactive. We can educate ourselves, look out for warning signs, and support mental health initiatives to ensure that fewer teens slip through the cracks.

How to Recognize the Warning Signs

Some of the warning signs I’ve seen in both my friends and family members include:

• Isolation: Withdrawing from social circles or family, becoming more detached and uninterested in activities they once loved.

• Mood Changes: Sudden mood swings, irritability, or deep sadness that seems to have no clear cause.

• Talking About Death: Any mention of feeling hopeless, talking about death, or expressing a desire to no longer be here.

• Self-Harm: Visible signs of self-harm like cutting, or an increase in risky behaviors like substance abuse.

Creating a Safe Space for Conversation

One of the biggest lessons I’ve learned is the importance of creating a safe space for those struggling with their mental health. Sometimes, just letting someone know they can talk to you without judgment is enough to make a huge difference.

Here are some ways we can all help:

• Listen without judgment: Teens need to know they can express their feelings openly, without being dismissed. Even if we don’t have all the answers, being a good listener is often the best first step.

• Encourage seeking help: Whether it's through school counselors, therapists, or mental health organizations, professional help is essential.

• Offer ongoing support: Mental health is not a “one and done” conversation. It’s about checking in regularly, even if things seem okay on the surface.

Resources for Those Struggling

Over the years, I’ve discovered several organizations dedicated to supporting mental health, particularly for young people. One that stands out is To Write Love on Her Arms (TWLOHA), a nonprofit dedicated to presenting hope and finding help for people struggling with depression, addiction, self-injury, and suicide. They focus on providing support and resources for those dealing with mental health issues and creating safe spaces for these difficult conversations. You can visit them at twloha.com.

Additionally, if someone you know is in immediate crisis, here are some essential resources:

• National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: Call 1-800-273-8255

• Crisis Text Line: Text HOME to 741741 for free, 24/7 support

• The Trevor Project: Call 1-866-488-7386 or text START to 678678 for LGBTQ youth in crisis

What We Can Do as a Community

As members of the On Your Own Community, we are in a unique position to make a real difference. Here’s how we can help:

• Raise Awareness: Organize virtual or in-person events, share social media posts, or simply start conversations about mental health and suicide prevention.

• Provide Resources: Make sure teens and parents in your network know where to go for help, whether it’s a hotline, a local therapist, or an online community like TWLOHA.

• Support Each Other: By fostering a culture of support and openness, we can create an environment where no one feels alone in their struggles.

Looking Ahead: Mental Health in the On Your Own Community

Mental health is an ongoing conversation, one that we will continue to address in the On Your Own Community. Throughout our interactions, we will be discussing mental health more regularly, sharing resources, and providing support. Whether through personal stories, expert insights, or community discussions, we are committed to making mental health a priority.

Closing Thoughts

Losing my first friend to suicide changed my life, and it has made me deeply passionate about mental health and suicide prevention. I’ve seen how mental health struggles can affect anyone, and I’ve also seen how a supportive community can help save lives. While we can’t undo the past, we can work together to ensure that every teen knows their life matters.

Let’s use this month—and every month—to have these critical conversations, to spread awareness, and to be there for those in need. Together, we can make a difference.